13!

Yuliya turned 13 years old on March 19. It's hard to believe we met her when she was 10! Next month it will be 1 year since we left for Ukraine to get her. It seems so long ago, but looking through old posts, it brings back memories like they were yesterday.

Yuliya, October 2007


Yuliya, Feb 2010

Yuliya had a massive 13th birthday party. It originally started with 8 girls, but somehow, unbeknownst to us until the night before, she ended up inviting nearly every girl in her class. 16 girls showed up! Our home was pandemonium. We took them all to the mall (in 3 separate cars), and Carrie organized a scavenger hunt. She split them up into 3 separate groups, handed each group $12, then gave them a list of things they had to get. The list included something paper, liquid, metal, plastic, cloth, and a couple of other things. Unleashing 16, 12- & 13-year old girls in the University Mall as a little unnerving, but it all ended well, and back at home, they had a fashion show where they dressed up one of the girls in their group and our family room was the walkway for their display. It was the perfect party for this age group, and I am sure their parents were so thankful for the sugar we pumped them up on. Here is a little video collage from her birthday.

Looking back, what have we learned at this point? The other day, Yuliya told us that the frustrating part of her early days here was that we would talk to her, and sometimes even get frustrated with her, and she had no clue what was going on! Sometimes in the early days, she simply wanted to please us, and admits saying 'yes' or 'no' many times, not realizing exactly why. We realize now that she would yes' us to death, and I hesitate to admit that there were times when we fooled ourselves interpreting those yes's to actually mean yes, which at times led to feelings of intentional defiance when her yes wasn't really yes. Does that make sense? Looking back, there were times we should have met with an interpreter a lot more, just to make sure we were all on the same page with certain things.

After an adoption, time can be measured in 3-month increments: The first 3 months are tough. Really tough, as 2 separate worlds come together and try to meet in the middle somewhere. Every 3 month increment thereafter that gets easier and easier.

So to those families getting ready to adopt, just remember that these kids come to us in a figuratively toddler state. The things it took years and years to teach your biological kids have to be taught to your older child(ren). Fortunately, these kids come to us with a sense of desire to learn and fit in, and with a little patience, love, patience, understanding, and patience, you'll look back from your 1 year mark and say 'Wow, we really have come a LONG ways!', and the moments of 'what in the world have I gotten myself into' get fewer and further between. And to us men -- I've learned that it is extra important to pay attention to anniversaries, birthdays, and spontaneity. After all, at the end of the day, it's the perpetual warm love of a mom that keeps these kids and the rest of the family going in the right direction. It's that same love that got us all to this point way back when these kids came to our homes as hosted children.