Love my girl

Last night, I spent from the time I got home from work to about 11:00PM helping Yuliya study for a Utah History test. For some reason, history has been her hardest subject in school. We went over and over facts, dates, peoples, etc., and at about 8:00 PM, when I felt like she wasn't appreciating my efforts, I asked her if she understands that I am doing this for her, and not for me. Well for a few minutes it turned into a conversation about gratitude, and I should have let it go, but I kind of hammered her for a few minutes and made her feel bad. (I know, BAD dad!!) We continued to study untill 11PM, and went to bed.

This morning I woke up and ended up taking her to school early so she could study a little more. I came home and took out my cell phone to make a call. There, on my cell phone, was a picture she had taken and put as my wallpaper. It was a picture of a note she wrote in big blue letters on a piece of paper, and it simply said I ♥ you, dad!

It's moments like these make me wonder what I ever did without her in my life. I need these moments, even if they are few and far between, to offset the moment like I had last night where I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Our 2010 hosting experience and my ramblings

 

This morning we dropped off Anastasia at the airport along with all of the other families and their hosted kids. Like in year's past, this was the hardest part of the hosting journey. Just to back up a little bit, we sat down with Anastasia the evening of the skating event. She was in particularly good spirits, and felt it was a good time. Yuliya interpreted and we asked her how she liked our family, America, etc. All indications were that she loved it all, but when we got to the question of adoption, she gave us a firm but gentle 'no'. We were a little surprised by her quick response, but understood why after she explained how her 12-yr sister was in the orphanage with her. She also said that her parents still visited her periodically. When he hosted Yuliya, she had been abandoned at age 6 and had bonded with us to a state of wanting to be adopted, so after we saw some of the same behaviors with Anastasia, we were preparing mentally to possibly do this all again. It was a bit of an emotional let down when she said no. We told her we respected her desire to be with her family and promised to write her and send her care packages. The hosting experience wasn't quite the same after that, but we still had a wonderful time with her. Looking back, this hosting experience was a little different that Yuliya, as Yuliya had been hosted be a family in France several times. Thus, a lot of those 'rough edges' had already worn off by the time we hosted her. Anastasia on the other hand, bless her heart, is a true orphan girl, and we dealt with a few things we hadn't dealt with previously that are somewhat normal occurrences. Yuliya reminded us constantly that that is the 'ways of an orphanage', and hinted that she herself used to be like that.  The reminder of what life used to be like for her became a  unpleasant reminder for her during these past 16 days. It was an equally stark reminder for Carrie and I as to just how far our Yuliya has come since we brought her home in May 2009. Thinking back when we got home from Ukraine, Yuliya wanted to die her hair black and white, get additional ear piercings, wear Ukraine mini-skirts, etc. That crazy stuff has pretty much melted away, and most of what we encounter now is pretty much normal stuff every parent goes through with a 13 year old teen girl. She's come into her own self and has turned into the sweetest, most loving girl. Not a day goes by when we don't thank God for this little miracle.

This is the first time Save A Child has hosted kids from this orphanage and obviously no adoptions have yet occurred. Thus, these kids don't realize what opportunity they are missing out on by saying no to adoption. Additionally, one of the chaperons this year from Anastasia's orphanage was not very pro-American, so the combination of those 2 things has left a few families like ourselves who were considering and perhaps hoping to adopt a little hurt. When the kids from Sumy and Dnipro came last year, those hosted kids met many adopted kids here in America from their same orphanage. These kids told the orphan kids what a wonderful life they have after being adopted. When the first adopting family goes to that region to adopt from her orphanage, they are going to be trailblazers for the rest of the families. The other kids are going to see that adoption and the family, remember what it was like for them, and realize that they really do want that life. It is then up to the families that hosted them if that happens.

During our time with Anastasia, we discovered an amazing little girl with so much potential. We'll never forget her bubbly personality and beautiful smile. We pray that her family and country take care of her and she grows up to a productive member of society while staying on the straight and narrow. The statistics are stacked against her, but we'll pray for her. To the host families that had kids indicate that they wanted to be adopted, please listen to your hearts when it comes to looking for answers. If it is meant to happen, follow your heart! Just like getting married, paying tithing, or going on a mission, if you listen to your heart, the Lord will help you take care of the logistics. There have been so many miracles in families that took that leap of faith and saw the miracles fall into place.

Hosting 2010

We hadn't originally planned on hosting. After we lost Nadiya, our heart were broken. Nanette worked a little magic on us, after which we decided to host. Originally, we felt that this might be the way to how it should be. But as time went on, we began to second guess ourselves a bit and wonder if it was a desire to fill the hole that Nadiya left. We were nervous and a little scared. Well, on Friday of last week, we picked up a darling little girl named Anastasia from the airport. She has been an amazing guest in our home. She's always laughing, loves to sing, and draws with amazing talent. Her sweet spirit is touching our hearts, and once again, like we did in 2007 with Yuliya, we ask ourselves everyday how anyone could leave this sweet girl in an orphanage, which is followed by the dreaded thought of sending her back to the place where so many terrible memories for her exists. After seeing so many other amazing kids at the activities, I have a feeling that we are not the only ones going through this change of heart. As the song goes, '...the nearest thing to Heaven is a child'. Whoever wrote those lyrics probably hosted a child from Ukraine. 

(P.S. If anyone asks, we did NOT post this picture).

A journey's end....

We got a call a few weeks ago with the heart-breaking news that Nadiya was fostered out to a family in Ukraine. She agreed to go, signed the papers, and was taken when the social worker who was our advocate all this time was on vacation. This all happened so quickly, we had no chance of stopping it. It's over, and we're left with broken hearts. Our faciliatator has been working hard to get some answers, talk to the family, etc., and perhaps get the good news that this is somehow all a fluke and that we can go get her after all. But that false hope is fading as we struggle to get answers from anyone in Ukraine. We have SO many questions as to what happened, why she went, how it all went down, where she is, how she really feels about it all. We have been through anger, sadness, hope, despair, anxiety, fear, etc...but in the end, the one thing that is consistent is the pain in our hearts. We worked for 18 months to bring her home and it all ended 3 months before we adopted her. Getting that emotionally close and then have it all come crashing down feels as if we lost one our own.

To Nadiya - you came into our lives and changed us for the better. Yuliya has only the fondest memories of you. You had a profound effect on her for so many years. Together, you both made it through some ugly times in life. We will never forget you. We pray that your life will turn out differently, and that you will not make the same mistakes of the people who chose to let you sit in a lonely orphanage for 12 years, only to suddenly jump into action when the 'Americans' wanted to give you the life that every child deserves.


We love you forever....

Pioneer Trek '10

Earlier this year, shortly after Yuliya was baptized, the young men and women were told that they would be doing Pioneer Trek this year. That idea of camping outside without a roof over their heads terrifies Yuliya. When she first got here, we went camping up American Fork canyon, and she insisted that she did not want to sleep in the mountains. It scared her to death. Later on, she explained how in Ukraine, people don't camp outside in a tent or under the start. When she wsa in the orphanage, she would go to summer camp in the mountains (rolling hills by Utah standards) in cabin-type enclosures. (When we were in Sumy, we were able to go and see these. They were indeed enclosed with doors, but they resembled room that I would envision at a 1-star hotel in a ghost town, complete with cracked windows, worn out and stained mattresses with squeaky springs, wobbly table with 1 or 2 chairs...definitely not a place I would choose as a summer vacation.) Yuliya was insistent that she was not going, and there was no changing her mind. We didn't push it, as her fears of becoming bear or wolf kibble, getting killed in a flash flood, etc. were very real.

A couple of weeks ago, our bishop had a meeting for all of the youth at his home. They do this once a month and cover topics in the 'For The Strength of Youth' pamphlet. At the end of this particular meeting, they began talking about final preparations for trek. In weeks past, Yuliya ups and leaves at this point. But this time, 2 of her best friends (Macey and Alex) were there and she stuck around. I am not sure what was said, but after the meeting, Yuliya came home and into the kitchen where I was emptying the dishwasher. She looked at me and said 'Dad, guess what?'. I replied with 'what?', and she almost lost her breath, went white as a sheet, and repeated again, 'guess what?'. We went back and forth with this for a few seconds, each time a little more dramatic. Clearly she was extremely nervous. Finally, in her cute accent, she said 'Dad, I am going to trek!', then stared at me with pursed lips as if those were the 6 hardest words she had EVER spoken! In her heart, they probably were, and the first thing she asked after she took a breath was if she could take Carrie's bottle of Mace with here to fend of any hungry grizzlies. With a smile, I asked her if she was sure about going, and she said yes. She then went and broke the news to Carrie, and explained how she would go ONLY if she could be in a family with a ma and pa that would take care of her, and in the same family as Macey. I called the bishop later that night, and after he picked himself off of the floor from shock, he said 'consider it done'. Brandon (our eldest son) knew he was going long ago, and I think that not only made her feel safer, but also made her think 'If Macey, Brandon and my other friends can do it, so can I!'. One thing about a Ukrainian ex-orphan, they never back down from a challenge.

So this morning, at 4:00AM, the whole family awoke and helped get Brandon and Yuliya out the door to trek. Carrie and I half expected Yuliya at anytime to say 'I changed my mind'. But she was a real trooper, and Brandon has been a great big brother for her. I dropped them off at the stake center, made sure they were with their family, snapped a few pictures, and slowly walked away. It was a very uneasy feeling to leave Yuliya there, realizing that she would be completely in the hands of someone else for 3 days. She's had sleepovers and late nights with friends, but she always had a phone we could call her. So this is a big step for all of us. All will go well and she is in good hands, but it is a first, and a little scary first. As the day has gone on, that is wearing off and I am realizing that for 3 days, I don't have any teenagers in the house! I think a long nap or 2 are in order. I think I still remember what a long nap is.

Brandon and Yuliya, my 2 teenagers (both are 13)


Yuliya, Macey and another friend (it was 5AM, can you tell?)

As a side note, I remember reading several blogs from the groups that had adopted in 2008 (Rogers, Milnes, Millers, etc.). I am not sure if they all got together and talked about this beforehand, but several of these families sat down with their kids before coming to America and laid out some ground rules, and their child(ren) had to agree to them before the adoption was final. In hindsight, I admire them for laying down some expectations, and holding their feet to the fire with these rules before the adoption would be completed. To this day, even though each kid is a typical teenager in their own way, those kids remember and know what is expected of them. Well, as Brandon and Yuliya have been going to these meetings at the bishops house, I began looking through their pamphlet. At the end of this little booklet is a summary of the standards. As I read, I felt a huge sense of relief! There, in front of my nose, were exactly the rules of teenagedom in our home, spelled out in black and white. The relief came because I now have something real to reference, rather than making them feel like Carrie and I make up the rules as we go. Both Yuliya and Brandon are young enough to have not had any real issues with any of these standards, but going forward, these will be excellent to reference as the 'unbend-able', no-gray-area rules. Too bad staying up late, getting up late, complaining about chores, procrastination, watching too much TV, and a few others are not on this list! :) http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,30-1-7-9,00.html

13!

Yuliya turned 13 years old on March 19. It's hard to believe we met her when she was 10! Next month it will be 1 year since we left for Ukraine to get her. It seems so long ago, but looking through old posts, it brings back memories like they were yesterday.

Yuliya, October 2007


Yuliya, Feb 2010

Yuliya had a massive 13th birthday party. It originally started with 8 girls, but somehow, unbeknownst to us until the night before, she ended up inviting nearly every girl in her class. 16 girls showed up! Our home was pandemonium. We took them all to the mall (in 3 separate cars), and Carrie organized a scavenger hunt. She split them up into 3 separate groups, handed each group $12, then gave them a list of things they had to get. The list included something paper, liquid, metal, plastic, cloth, and a couple of other things. Unleashing 16, 12- & 13-year old girls in the University Mall as a little unnerving, but it all ended well, and back at home, they had a fashion show where they dressed up one of the girls in their group and our family room was the walkway for their display. It was the perfect party for this age group, and I am sure their parents were so thankful for the sugar we pumped them up on. Here is a little video collage from her birthday.

Looking back, what have we learned at this point? The other day, Yuliya told us that the frustrating part of her early days here was that we would talk to her, and sometimes even get frustrated with her, and she had no clue what was going on! Sometimes in the early days, she simply wanted to please us, and admits saying 'yes' or 'no' many times, not realizing exactly why. We realize now that she would yes' us to death, and I hesitate to admit that there were times when we fooled ourselves interpreting those yes's to actually mean yes, which at times led to feelings of intentional defiance when her yes wasn't really yes. Does that make sense? Looking back, there were times we should have met with an interpreter a lot more, just to make sure we were all on the same page with certain things.

After an adoption, time can be measured in 3-month increments: The first 3 months are tough. Really tough, as 2 separate worlds come together and try to meet in the middle somewhere. Every 3 month increment thereafter that gets easier and easier.

So to those families getting ready to adopt, just remember that these kids come to us in a figuratively toddler state. The things it took years and years to teach your biological kids have to be taught to your older child(ren). Fortunately, these kids come to us with a sense of desire to learn and fit in, and with a little patience, love, patience, understanding, and patience, you'll look back from your 1 year mark and say 'Wow, we really have come a LONG ways!', and the moments of 'what in the world have I gotten myself into' get fewer and further between. And to us men -- I've learned that it is extra important to pay attention to anniversaries, birthdays, and spontaneity. After all, at the end of the day, it's the perpetual warm love of a mom that keeps these kids and the rest of the family going in the right direction. It's that same love that got us all to this point way back when these kids came to our homes as hosted children.

Yuliya's baptism day

Yuliya is officially baptized!

Here are a few pictures from this memorable day. Ukraine held a lot of unpleasant memories, and being 12 years old, Yuliya was keenly aware of what is right and wrong, even before coming to America. After her baptism and confirmation, it's been a real transformation for her to have that gift and to realize that the past is the past. Other families have said that there is a real, noticeable change once the are baptized, and now Carrie and I see exactly what they are talking about.

Thank you everyone for your support. Even those that could not be there send words of support. Having to many wonderful friends and amazing family is truly a blessing!

Yuliya's Baptism

We're excited to announce that Yuliya has picked January 30th as the date she wants to be baptized. She's been working diligently with the sister missionaries for many months and is very much looking forward to this day. We've caught brief glimpses into some of her Ukrainian past. One painful memory was at age 5, when her mother forced her to shoplift from stores because the money they had for food was being used for booze. Yuliya has expressed emphatically how excited she is that God is going to look at her baptism day when she can finally put all of those 'bad things' behind her and come to peace with her past, knowing that God remembers them no more.

This is a huge step towards our family being together for time and all eternity. We couldn't be more proud of her! The baptism will be January 30th at 2:00PM at the Traverse Mountain Stake Center in Lehi. All of our family, friends, and Save A Child family are invited! (Directions to Traverse Mountain Stake Center:
From I-15, take Highland/Alpine Exit. Turn east onto SR-92 (toward Alpine) for approx ¾ mile. Turn left onto Morning Glory Rd and follow this winding road for approx 1.5 miles. Turn left onto Chapel Ridge Road near the top of the hill. Stake Center is ½ a block on the right.
).

The Christmas Jar...

While adopting Yuliya, we had attempted to adopt a second girl from the same orphanage. We started the paperwork and began the journey. In the end, her mom refused to let it happen, and we left behind a broken-hearted girl in Ukraine. Nothing will stop an adoption faster, or is more frustrating, than a mom and/or dad who suddenly appears in the picture with outstretched arms for the kids they barely recognize anymore after years of being deadbeat parents. That's exactly what happened to us. (After all, what says 'I love you' more than a few hard years of confinement in an orphanage, right?)

As we left the orphanage with Yuliya, the only thing that brought a smile to her face was the promise that if things ever changed, we would come back to her. She has since written us many letters, asking if we are coming for her. Well, one thing is for sure with Ukraine: nothing is for sure. And sometimes that is good! In fact, a few days before Christmas, we got a message telling us that the status quo had changed and we can start on the paperwork. Carrie and Yuliya called me at work in an excited frenzy with the news. Me, being a man and still licking the financial wounds from earlier this year, immediately thought to myself 'Okay, how many banks do I need to knock off to make this happen again'.

So long story short, we're at a fairly critical crossroads where our desires to bring this sweet girl home to our family meet the reality of 'how-can-we-make-this-work'. (Anybody know a good body-part brokers in Vegas?) Stay tuned....

On Christmas Eve, Carrie's sister handed out decorated jars to each family and challenged each to fill it with pocket change during the year, then reap the joy of helping a family in need next year. Without thinking twice, Yuliya pulled the money she had earned from babysitting earlier that day from her pocket and put it into the jar, then whispered to Carrie 'This will help bring Nadya to our family". Since then, the Christmas jar has become 'Nadya's jar', and the other kids have also added their hard-earned cash. It's been quite rewarding to see them come together to try and make this happen.

Christmas at our home was good. Yuliya had never experienced the fun of waking up early in the morning and opening presents, and the other kids were all too willing to show her how it works. She was a little overwhelmed, but as equally grateful.

Eliza and her new MP3 player.

Brandon, sending a text message from his new phone 18 seconds after he ripped the wrapping off of it.

Yuliya loved the hair straightener she got. Straight hair, according to her, makes 12-year old girs look 14. Riiiiiiiiight...

Caleb and his MP3 player. I'm pretty sure he is smiling more about that cool BYU hat he has on his head.

6 months as a new family.

Our beautiful daughter

With Eliza and our dog, Skip.

(with Alex, one her best friends, on the trampoline)

It's Thanksgiving weekend, and it wouldn't be complete if I didn't take a few minutes to give thanks for our newest family member. It was 6 months ago on Thanksgiving that we walked out of the airplane with our new daughter. We've all come so far in that time, each learning so much about each other. Carrie and I frequently talk about how far we've come each day, each week, and each month. Yuliya has fit into our family so well. Being in an orphanage for so many years had built up a few rough edges, most of which was a result of being around older kids who are often the only role models the younger kids have. Over time, many of those rough edges have melted. She's finally able to act more and more like a 12-year old can and should. It's rewarding to see these positive changes. One of the most important things we can do is to earn her trust. Doing that has at times taken an enormous amount of patience as she discovers what, why and where boundaries are; boundaries that didn't exist before coming here. But as that trust increases each day, and she realizes that those boundaries give her a sense of security, she opens up and shares little glimpses into her past. Some of the thing we're learned are heart-wrenching. This girl has been through a lot, but has not let any of that get her down. In her mind, she's turned over a new leaf here in America and has an amazing desire to live a righteous life. She retains an amazingly positive attitude, a contagious smile, and has never once looked back at the decision she made to be part of our family, no matter how hard things have gotten.

Halloween 2009. At the church with her friends.

With best friend Alyson at Lagoon.

So after 6 months, are we glad we made this decision? Absolutely. Some days have had their challenges as we steer through the learning curve, but the decision to adopt her has brought so much joy and happiness. We're at the point now where we don't know what we'd ever do without her. This year, I had the chance to work closely with the Save A Child foundation. I saw a lot of families fall in love with their hosted child(ren) just like we did with Yuliya. Vern put adoption best when he said "sometimes stepping into the darkness with faith, realizing that you will eventually find light or answers, is sometimes the best journey of our lives." To the SAC 09 families, I can only say to follow your hearts, if at all possible. It only gets better once they are part of your family.

And so this weekend, I am so thankful for Yuliya, and the sweet addition she's been to our family.

The season's first snowstorm

At Young Women Achievement Days, showing of her bautiful artwork. She can draw very well.

At Classic Skating (again!). She LOVES to roller skate.

Friends are priceless...

We live in an amazing neighborhood with extraordinary friends. We've been blessed to know good people who've been very supportive during this adoption. And now that Yuliya is home, it is no different for her. A few girls in the neighborhood have befriended her, with no prejudice, and made her feel at home. They've made Yuliya's transition to our crazy home a little easier to handle.

Oh, and how do you get 4 preteen girls to smile like this? Tell them to replace 'cheese' when you take the picture with another food. I think this picture was 1...2...3...chocolate milk?!

Thanks Alyson, Bailey and Eliza...

Back to school!

Today was the first day of school in America for Yuliya. There has been quite a bit of anticipation surrounding this day. Yuliya is so worried about her English skills. Fortunately, Carrie worked hard to get Yuliya a good teacher, and friends from the neighborhood in the same class.

When we left the school, Yuliya was smiling and we knew she would be in excellent hands. Carrie, on the other hand, struggled a bit. Those 2 have pretty much been joined at the hip since we got home. Carrie had to hold back a tear or 2 as we left. It was bitter-sweet for her. In Carrie's words, 'it feels like I am throwing her into the wolves!'. Fortunately, Yuliya was forged by many years in the orphanage and will be able to conquer the 6th grade. After a few days, she'll realize that she's one of the smartest girls in the class.

1 month home with our angel

My web address has changed, as you can see. It is now http://www.ourlittleangel.org/ rather than ukraineangel.blogspot.com. If you want to do this, go to http://www.000domains.com, buy your own domain, then email me for assistance.


As I read blogs of families currently in Ukraine, it's hard to believe we've been home 1 month. Reading their adventures takes me back. Ukraine is such a beautiful country, with so much history. Perhaps someday we'll return with Yuliya and enjoy the things we missed, under different circumstances.

Yuliya continues to acclimate with our family and we are enjoying her so much. Eliza has been such a huge blessing in making Yuliya feel comfortable and at home. They are proof that opposites really do attract. Although Eliza is 8 and Yuliya is 12, and they are so different, these 2 sisters have developed an inseparable bond. Yuliya is such a shy, timid girl, while Eliza is uninhibited and extroverted. Before this adoption, we were worried that having a new 12-year old girl would be driven crazy by our 8-year old. Eliza tries so hard to be girl-like, but hasn't quite hit that age where she wants to act like one. Well, the combination has actually turned out to work in both girls' favor. For Yuliya, it is pulling her out of her shell and warming her up to neighbor friends. Yuliya trusts her and will not go anywhere without her. For now, Eliza is Yuliya's security blanket in this foreign land. Even if this dynamic changes as Yuliya learns english and meets new friends, this sweet sister friendship has been so sweet and will have lasting impact for both of them. Carrie and I often hear them talking late into the night, even thought there is a language barrier. These 2 somehow manage to talk and communicate for hours. I'm sure a lot of it is Eliza doing the talking, and Yuliya picking up every 10th word. :) There are times when each needs their own space, and each is learning to recognize and respect that.

The swimming pool -- our second home. :)

Yuliya is communicating more and more each day. She is putting words together and tries hard to put her words into English. Sometimes to have some fun, we'll point to an object, tell her what it is in English, then have her tell us what it is in Ukrainian. She laughs and laughs as we totally mispronounce the word. The other day, Carrie pointed to me and asked Yuliya what I was. She started laughing and blurted out 'he's crazy frog dad'. I looked at her and said 'Me crazy frog dad?' That just got her laughing more, then Carrie started laughing, and soon we were all 3 laughing. I'm hoping a crazy frog isn't something too wierd in Ukraine!

Yuliya use third person to describe herself. It's so cute and innocent. When she wants to go swimming (which is practically every day), she comes to one of us and says 'We go swimming?'. For fun, we ask her why, and her reply is 'she likes swimming'. We went to Target to pick out a bike. When she found the one she wanted, she said 'she likes violet bike', referring to the purple bike she wanted. If she likes or dislikes something, it is always 'she likes...' or 'she no likes...'. In the kitchen, we get a lot of 'she not likes...'. We hope this lasts for a little while.

When we had Sasha and Tolik in our home last fall, they ate anything we put in front of them: apples, hot dogs, ramen noodles, bologna, charcoal briquettes, etc. (ok, kidding about the charcoal). However, finding food Yuliya likes has been a real challenge. She is so picky. We took her to the store to pick out anything she wanted, and we ended up with a jar of Nutella, a bottle of baby dill pickels, a Snickers bar, and a 2-liter of Fanta Orange. That's good for my wallet, but not very good for her health. Last night, we had our friends from Ukraine (Lena and Lev) over for dinner and we had them ask Yuliya what she liked to eat. She replied that she does not like to eat. (I wish I had that problem!). I pulled her aside and asked her what she likes to eat. She shrugged her shoulders to say 'I don't know'. I asked her what she ate in the orphanage. She told me the only thing she liked was potatoes, chicken and a little borscht. She explained how they would not get very much to eat in the orphanage, then put her hands on her stomach and collapsed her fingers into a fist to make a shrinking motion. She said 'Me tummy very little. No hungry very much'. So, each day is a learning experience as to what she likes and dislikes, and we hope she isn't going to get rickets or something like that. Part of it is the shock of American food, the other part is that she is the world's pickiest eater, second only to my son Brandon.

One of the trickiest parts of this adoption as a parent has been trying to not live a totally obvious double-standard. Is that possible? To an extent, there has to be concessions made for Yuliya that we would not make for the other kids, and Eliza is quick to pick up on that. Explanations are often futile, and tears are sometimes shed. As time goes on, even after only 1 month, things are getting better and better in that department. Things Yuliya should be learning are often easier taught when we make an effort to correct one of the other kids while Yuliya is watching. For example, the other day we found a bowl of cherries in the family room from Yuliya and Eliza. Eliza knows that food in the family room is a huge no-no. So, rather than try to speak in tongues to Yuliya that we do not eat food downstairs, I pulled them both aside and calmly explained to Eliza that we do not eat food downstairs (especially cherries). I spoke as though it was my first time telling her that. I pantomimed so Yuliya understood. Eliza looked at me like she already knew what I was telling her, and also had a relieved smile on her face that she was not in trouble. This method is one way we are teaching Yuliya without putting Yuliya on the spot and making her feel bad. For me, this and everything else takes a lot of patience and understanding -- something that us men aren't always so good at. Along those lines, the everyday patience I use with Yuliya is a rude awakening for me when I realize how many times I should have solved family problems by exercising the same level of patience with everyone else. It really shouldn't take so much effort for me to a take a breath, count to 10, hold my tongue and control voice volume. In that regard, I am learning a lot about what kind of dad I am and where I need to shape up.

Two important things we've learned: Being an adoptive parent takes patience, understanding, long suffering and the ability to instantly put ourselves into Yuliya's shoes and look at her new world from her perspective. Second, if Yuliya ever seems obstinate or frustrated, it is almost inevitably because of the language barrier preventing her from understanding and/or communicating something. In previous posts, we often compared this adoption journey to a pregnancy, with the labor being when we went to Ukraine, and the delivery when we finally adopted our daughter. So to continue that parable, the first week home was having our brand-new child who was pretty much helpless. With a month under our belt, this time is now comparable to the toddler years where when Yuliya says NO, or ME NO WANT THAT, or ME NOT UNDERSTAND, we try to look at the context of the situation and try to understand rather why.

Pictures:

Yuliya and dad plant flowers for mom. While in Ukraine, the yard pretty much fell apart. After much work, and alot of flowers, it is now 'very pretty', as Yuliya says.

Eliza joining in the fun. We went a little crazy with the flower buying, and we have flowers all over the place. Although it looks nice, it took us all Saturday afternoon and into the night to plant them. My watch in the picture is at 10:30 PM! Even after a month, our sleep schedules are still not quite normal. :-)

Yuliya picked these from our yard and put them on the kitchen table. Later on, her and Eliza wanted to pick out some flowers to grown in their room. We went to Home Depot and they picked out teacup roses. They have really enjoyed taking care of them.

I forgot to post the picture of their finger nails in the last post.

Caleb and his friends at the swimming pool.

1 week later...

A very tired mom, dad and Yuliya, reunited with the rest of our family. We were met by so many of our wonderful friends and family at the airport (thank you!!). Yuliya got to see her friends Troy (Dima) and Jake (Pasha), who were adopted a few months ago from the same orphanage.

The sign on the garage of our home. Our kind neighbor (Thank you, Julie Pfunder!) put up this poster and hung pink balloons all over our neighborhood to welcome Yuliya home.

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One week ago we came back to Utah with Alicia Yuliya! The common thread of many other blogs is that things are so much better once home. Well, we are no exception...things have been so good. She is such a young lady, and her sweet personality and bright smile make us wonder every day how anyone could have turned their backs on such an amazing girl. Looking back at the wild ride we had in Ukraine, we are thankful that we were able to see Yuliya in the orphanage, in her domain. That experience and the side of Yuliya we saw during that time really helped paint the complete picture of her life for the past 6 years. Yuliya is old enough to never forget that life, and someday, we hope that she opens up and talks about it. If we have one bit of advice for parents that are getting ready to adopt, it is that the adoption process can be just as stressful for the child as it is for the adoptive parents. If your child seems out-of-sorts at times, seems to withdraw, or otherwise behaves oddly, this is most likely the way they are dealing with that stress and anxiety and does not necessarily mean they are having second thoughts. These kids bottle up so many emotions and learn to swallow so much, and often never learn to articulate their emotions. So until the day comes when they can communicate with you about what they were feeling, the one immediate remedy is to hop on that plane and bring them home. Just remember the child(ren) you hosted in your home. It was then when you fell in love with them, and it is there where they will once again return to the way they were.

Yuliya, Eliza and Caleb. The first thing Yuliya wanted to do was to go swimming at the Lehi Family Legacy Center. We're pretty sure that Yuliya is 1/2 fish. She LOVES to swim and would have stayed there all day and night.

Yuliya and Eliza

Yuliya shooting out of the water slide.

Yuliya (aka: the pink fish!)

Yuliya has decided to maintain her Ukraine name rather than going by Alicia. She went back and forth, thinking that we might be disappointed, but we told her it is her choice. Once school starts, she may rethink that if she chooses. Yuliya is not only a name to us. It's the girl we fell in love with in '07 and the name we have used for 18 months before this point. So When Yuliya told us she wanted to keep her name, we were relieved. Even though she has the first name of Alicia, she will always be Yuliya to us. She just looks like a Yuliya!

Yuliya, Eliza and Bailey roasting hot dogs at a neighborhood get-together in American Fork Canyon.

With her extremely shy personality, our first goal has been to make Yuliya comfortable with her new family. Goal number #1 has been to build up trust. Carrie has amazing talent in this area. Today, it paid on in a huge way when Carrie finally heard the one word that every adoptive mother wants to here. That word was 'mom'. This is the first time Yuliya has called Carrie by that name. Needless to say, that one word was also Yuliya's way of telling Carrie that she has accepted her as her mother, which is the only thing Carrie has wanted since this all started. That one word made the past 18 months worth it all. Later on, I took all 3 of my girls to get their nails done. Carrie got a pedicure while Yuliya and Eliza got manicures. After they were done and I was paying, Carrie whispered something to Yuliya. On the way out, Yuliya walked up to me and said 'Thanks, dad!' with a shy smile. Even if it was coaxed out by Carrie, I know Yuliya enough to know that she wouldn't have said that if she didn't mean it.

Yuliya saw our wedding picture hanging on our wall, then managed to find Carrie's wedding dress in the closet.


Riding her bike. She bragged to us that she was the only girl in her class in Ukraine that knew how to ride a bike. Her orphanage did not own bikes.

Yuliya's week has not gone all that well for her. She developed a fever on Wednesday, and the language barrier prevented her from conveying what was wrong. On Friday, when she was still running a temp, we took her to Dr. Grasulis (thanks Carlin and Wendy) to find out what was going on. The exam revealed dual ear infections. On the flight over here, Yuliya was complaining on the plane, and we assumed it was simply air pressure change. It was most likely the altitude changes causing ear pain. Poor kid. She is finally feeling a little better, thanks to Advil, Tylenol, and bubble gum-flavored antibiotic.

Getting her nails done.

One week down...so far, so good. We're so happy to be home with our Ukraine Angel, and are getting back to normal, as normal as things can get in our family. :-) We're thankful to everyone who has supported us in one way or another throughout this process. The calls, emails, letters, and kind words mean so much to us. We are forever indebted to Natasha and Vladimir for their relentless efforts in getting us to this point. Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU all!!